Saturday 30 May 2009

Wooden Bolts

Take a look at Wooden Bolts very first performance on Balcony TV...

Check out the Everything On Toast name drop at the end boo ya!...



Wooden Bolts are playing at Tommy Flynns on Camden Road, London on the 4th o July In-Dee-pen-DANCE day with The Heebie Jeebies, Ray Dar Vees and some very special guests!!!

Monday 25 May 2009

Logo designs in a pub full of massive wierdos!



Simple - Chalk on Slate, the very first logo!




Wine On Toast, mmmmmmm soggy!

E On Toast - Party time!
Bill Clinton On Toast!



Waterbuck On Toast!

Crazy Aussie On Toast!

Hello my names Sacha On Toast!



Foreigners On Toast!

Hay Festival On Toast!

Another successful musical journey over and my were it a lovely one...


After trekking the whole way across London I arrived at Putney Bridge half an hour before anyone else, and so set about finding the best sun soaked seating arena I could. This turned out to be a two foot wall at the front of a studio - perfect. However this wall accommodated two massive plaques clearly declaring ‘DO NOT SIT ON THIS WALL’ I then made the most of using the wall to prop my bags against while I lovingly sat on the little bastard.

The hours that followed involved a lot of...


Driving (for Ben) Beer (Not for Ben) Sun, Talking shite, Singing Elton John songs (All, but mainly Ben) Directing a wank documentary (a dodgy documentary about the trip, not masturbation) Sweets, Apples, Rum, swearing at roads, swearing at the Tom Tom, swearing at each other, toilet stops, In-car iPod djin and getting lost in the sticks!








But when we arrived at our destination - the beautiful town of Hay-on-Wye the long journey was all but forgotten and our attention... back to booze. We were handed our first beverage as soon as we set foot in the Green Room/Tent and they continued to flow at a rapid pace until we were escorted to our accommodation. This included six erected tents, each with fully inflated airbeds between four of us, that’s more than a tent each!

The amazing hospitality continued following our arrival back at the venue and well into the evening, and was only enthused after Dave’s flawless performance had transfixed everyone’s attention directly to him. This was undoubtedly one of the finest shows I’ve seen this year, the mood and setting were perfect and littlelostdavids intense and dramatic recital of old and new songs were composed wonderfully against the orchestral articulation of Bassy’s percussion, which at times allowed his nimble beats to lift the songs higher than the accompanying male falsetto. A major feature of the set was new entry YOU LET GO a truly huge pop ballad that displayed a focused and vastly competent musical ability from its creator as well as more than a hint that Littlelostdavid have the skills to make a massive impression in the charts as well our hearts. The encore was an epic rendition of THE POWER OF LOVE and left all who witnessed breathless and satisfied, if not slightly confused at how such a talent actually exists.




Further drinking then ensued until I reached my limit and abruptly left the soiree to rejoice in the recently unfamiliar practice of sleep!


Ka Choooo, Ka Chooooo, Ka Chooooooo

Free Compilation CD!





















Get in touch for your free copy!!!

Tracklist...






The Pony Harvest
- The New Atlantis

A Prog offering form librarian about town and established expert on ornithological stage props. The New Atlantis would be the perfect way to ‘big up’ our flawed species if we were to be discovered by a superior alien race!










The Heebie Jeebies
– Panda Pop

A fast paced witty northern ode to following in the footsteps of your f’ther ‘Go get your dad, he’s in the pub’










Wickerman & Fisherman
– The Happy Song
A pretty and melancholy tale about a guy who blatantly adores his ungrateful and unloving girlfriend! Or maybe he’s a stalker? New age, other worldly folk pop.





Littlelostdavid
– Skin & Bones

A song of epic proportions, a car crash of heartfelt longing and self-loathing taped together with beautiful harmonies, subtle percussion and a breathtaking brass climax.









Mexican Kids At Home
– Capsized Canoe

Directing back to the folkier side of things, Mexican Kids clearly want to get the fuck away from where they are and ‘settle down in a different place now’. I’m in.











Ray Dar Vees
– Heart Attack
This is the first offering from a band that hasn’t even played a show yet. Like Echo and The Bunnymen at their peak these boys know how to write good pop songs. And how Philosophical they are too...‘The world keeps spinning ‘round, when your under the ground’.







The Carol-Anne Showband
– Square One

A closing ballad from one of the most important Sheffield bands in years, both their music and presence are greatly missed. Turn it up loud and wrap yourself up in retrospect, you will probably shed a tear.



Thursday 7 May 2009

Ten Bears Yorkshire Adventure - Featuring EOT Sheffo Launch Party Whoop Whoop!

Sheffield Launch Party 01/05/09


So I met my older brother at McDonalds, Victoria Station at the arranged 8.30AM. We were so early for our 9AM Mega Bus that I even had time to turn up at the wrong McDonalds. After polishing off a Sausage & Egg McMuffin, elder Armstrong decided he was still overcome by hunger and so turned to one of the small businesses paying large central London rent in order to fill the gap. Upon receiving a Bacon & Cheese melt, Elder Armstrong realised that if he continued with the £3.89 transaction the hole in his stomach would be far from filled but the hole in his wallet would be greatly increased.

After an unsuccessful haggle, we got to the Mega Bus Bacon & Cheese melt-less. It was a scorching morning so the idea of a bus journey didn’t sound too Mega. Luckily, driver Tom promised us that as soon as we were in motion, the aircon would kick in to action. This would have made the journey a lot more comfortable had the aircon not been akin to a tramp whispering in your ear. We just counted ourselves lucky that we were not the Australian guy sitting opposite who was subjected to a three & a half hour story as to why a posh bird’s boyfriend had cheated on her.

Arrival in Sheffield encountered us with another transportation surprise; The Tram. We got on and flashed our oyster cards to the lovely ticket collector. When this didn’t work I handed over the required half crown and my journey to Sheffield was all but complete.

I met Keir and embarked upon the two minute walk to Bungalows & Bears. The fact that this two minute walk took 30 minutes confirmed one thing for me. Danny knew every fucker in Sheffield. For the first time since I met him, it appeared that he was in fact “a somebody”. I also realised something else during this (long) short walk; Sheffield smells of chips (in a good way).

An afternoon drinking beer and awaiting the arrival of the PA then ensued. As we approached the evening paying a ridiculous £2 a pint I decided to head to an off license to buy alcohol for the rider. I think Danny could see I was missing London so he pointed me in the direction of Spar, where you can find those London prices, no matter where you are In the country.

After extended sound checks & a Razorlight free DJ set, Party Horse took to the stage. They lived up to the double page spread they had received in the press earlier by entertaining the crowd and getting the party well and truly underway.

Then came the Heebie “we don’t need a fucking sound check” Jeebies. To be fair to them, they didn’t. The sounded amazing and there was more than one occasion when all three of them were simultaneously airborne. I was fucking knackered just watching.




Headliners Ten Bears were so amazing that upon leaving the venue, they had to physically remove two over eager groupies from their van. They’ve been rightly tipped to make it big this year and it wont take many more performances like this to fulfill that premonition.

Rich & Glover then took over on the wheels of steel to help the over excited crowd dance into Saturday. And with that, the curtains came down on another launch night.
All that was left to do was travel back to the city were the streets are paved in gold… and chewing gum… and cigarette butts.
Waking up early, we even left time to stop in a Wetherspoons for a “breakfast” of onion rings, breaded mushrooms, chicken wings and of course… chips. Suitably nourished, we headed towards another Mega Bus bumping into two of our new friends on the way. It became pretty clear from this that it didn’t take long to be “a somebody” in a city where everyone knows y
our name. All that was left to do was stop at Supedrug for what will now be a staple hangover cure for ever more; Nurofen, Lucozade & Haribo.

Mr Tom J Newell


Just a quicky,

Our wonderful artist Tom J Newell is amazing! Aside from painstakingly composing our posters and promo images Tom has been busy working on his first comic 'SHOWBOAT' He also finds enough time to create the most beautiful artwork for other artists/bands/promoters from all over the country and has recently put his work online...http://www.tomjnewell.com

Please take a look and follow his work, we will let you know when SHOWBOAT is out and where to get it from it is sah-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! I know, I've seen it!

We are in debt to his genius & generosity.

Till then ta ta

London Launch Party CA

Foreword- An Apology

It has come to our attention here at Everything On Toast Records that an unnamed DJ (myself) inadvertently played Razorlight during the launch party. We can only apologise for any long-term psychological effects this may have on any of you. Rest assured, said DJ has received a serious dressing down and has been stripped of “Up All Night”, “Razorlight” and that other album.




Everything On Toast Launch Night, 20/03/09

“Chris, we are calling time at 11 I’m afraid. Have had a nitemare (sic) with the sound complaints, the DJ was playing hip hop, not on agreement, too loud and on top of all that the headline played way too loud on drums and he knows it. Can’t risk my pub license over this many disputes. I discussed it with you time and time again and have no option. You will get your deposit minus drinks and let’s call time at 11. This is not up for discussion tonight as I am now off the bar until the venue shuts.”
Manager, Filthy McNastys, 2009

It’s always nice to have a positive quote for future flyers and I believe we have uncovered a corker here. And this was after things began so quietly;

With 30 minutes before the doors were due to open, a rogue bass pedal decided to have it’s wicked way and blow the power to everything in Filthy MacNasty’s that had any capability to produce sound. On the plus side, this incident caused all ten people in the room with penises to realise they were actually qualified electricians. When there was still no sound fifteen minutes later, your writer was starting to wish he hadn’t just finished his sixth pint of Guinness of the day. Miraculously, just as people started to arrive, the silence that had engulfed the venue disappeared and a glorious sound erupted from the PA (later it would be reported that these sounds were hip hop).

After the scandal that was christened “Razorlightgate” in the News of the World, Mayor McCa scared the living shit out of a few unsuspecting members of his audience who had shunned the school choir for a cigarette behind the bike sheds. His mix of amazing musicianship and audience participation went down a storm and really got the night moving. I’m pretty sure nobody will see an act like him again.

Speed Circus followed with an awesome performance made even better by the fact they had to transform from a seven-piece to a two-piece due to venue rules. They crowd loved it and the Speed Army was in full flow.

Then came the headline, Littlelostdavid, who frankly “played way too loud on drums and he knows it”. I received a warning before they took to the stage and was told that due to the neighbour’s complaints, Littlelsotdavid must stick to using just brushes on the drums. Unfortunately, due to the sheer size of the venue, I “couldn’t find him” and it went ahead as originally planned. They officially blew every man, woman and child away. Number ....32 Amwell Street.... gave a glowing review to Islington County Council.

Glover and Tom then entertained the crowd with every drum lead song they could find in their record box followed by some good old fashioned hip hop. The crowd then retired to the ....Lexington.... to show their smudgy ,inky hand to the bouncer in return for free entry to a night that my alcohol intake has refused to let me remember.

So, ladies and gentlemen, that’s how it all began. We did our utmost to ensure a fucking quality night was had by all and the middle-aged blonde barmaid with the chip on her shoulder did her best to ensure a good night was had by none. I like to think we were the winners in this bout.
Thanks to all and we will see you next time in a venue that welcomes the good old fashioned drum kit. Watch this space! Xx

Footnote: never go behind the bar looking for the manageress in a venue that has “a middle-aged barmaid with a chip on her shoulder” (the tirade I received included more fucks than a Thai brothel)

London Launch Party 20/03/09 DK

Filthy Mcnasty’s, Islington London.



Ever had two consecutive bowls of cereal? Why is the 2nd never even the slightest bit as good as the 1st? Stuff like that fucks me up! It’s the day after the launch party and I ain’t hung-over a drop. I try to render why this should be and conclude that I wasn’t fuckin’ drunk enough to suffer any short-term ailments, nor were I outrageous enough to cavort with any anecdotes I may have had of the eve. This depresses me as the previous morning I was bouncing around charged with the giddiness I held for the shindig.

Anyway, set the scene....

Boomin’ sunshine, the hottest day of ’09 thus far, and I’m shitting myself with excitement like a kid at Christmas at the very thought of what may occur in the next 24 hours. Firstly the very name EVERYTHING ON TOAST gives me a hard-on, and secondly, I haven’t been out for a fair while as the ass raping life that is London has kept me locked away counting my pennies, so I can live superior class to ‘on the streets’ in the deepest knife-crime east-side! Y’gand?

I have to mention at this point that the day before I’d had a haircut at some backhand barbers, where the professional in question had proceeded to pop my ‘open-blade cut’ cherry by repeatedly hacking at my hair with a BIG FUCKING KNIFE! The fact that he couldn’t quite see straight and wore a hearing aid really didn’t comfort me an iota, not only could he of easily chopped into one of my precious little ears, but he wouldn’t of been able hear the screams I thrust while trying to piece my lobe back together. I finished the cut myself in the safety of my bathroom, but I may need therapy if I’m to consider visiting another haircuttery. Mental scarring, thankfully not actual flesh scarring!

I arrived at the venue (Filthy Mc-get-your-fuckin-drum-kit-out-of-my-pub-nasty’s) at around fourteen hundred hours (2pm to those anti 24) armed with the still-damp-blackboards I had painted in my loft the night before, and a bag full of records which I never got to play. Enter Chris ‘Y’aryte you cant?’ YES, I was alright, I was well on for a massive party, I was thirsty for it. And excited at seeing my brother and everyone else who was journeying down from the north to show their support for us, the prospect was overwhelming. But the good vibes died as soon as the crazy eyed landlady stepped her one good foot into our arena, and from that moment everything started to go wrong....

Fortunately I don’t care to talk of these aspects that could of at any moment ‘pulled the plug’ on the show, I wish to concentrate my recollections on the actual massive success of the night and the glory that will bathe the memoirs of all who participated and experienced the damn fine music and fucking great atmosphere.

Go...

The debut performance of our debut show was by one of the most talented individuals I have ever met, and I was greatly honoured that he was part of it. MAYOR McCA; a Canadian multi-instrumentalist with songs that touch genius and a performance that makes you work up a sweat just watching him, and he’s got a great beard. He’s a pure born entertainer, I was in tears at his wit and charisma. I just wish the crowd had stopped flirting with each other and give him a bit more attention. ‘Hey man you gotta nice job’ – Genius!




Weaving through the live performances, Disco Jockies Tom ‘I’m the fuckin’ big lad, get a load of my sweet moves’ Newell, and G-to the rizzo ‘What the fuck you lookin’ at’ Lover, laced the anti-decadent foyer to hell with Tee-unes, it were seamless!


Next on a rare acoustic performance from London town’s own SPEED CIRCUS, usually a 7 tentacled indie beast with controls set for the heart of the sun, but tonight sees them a perfectly formed 2 piece with rapid anthems and an army ready to rip the place apart at their word. ‘Speed army, speed army’

Swivelling from sound desk to decks and back again G-Dog took the lunges as well as the tunes, while Beeps smashed the venues licensing policy to pieces, then took a shit on it and threw it in the face of the mardy barkeep with sunken eyes, and what some would call the look of a ‘smack-head’ by laying down some classic hip hop, legend.


Shortly after the ‘Speed army’ stopped rocking the fragile walls Littlelostdavid took to the stage with long term friend and all time drumming master Bassy the bad man, and immediately the lairy crowd were silenced, and looked on in awe and appreciation at the spectacle before them. The useless dog shit excuse for a PA just about held up as Dave launched his sonic attack upon the venue, threatening the very foundations under our feet with soaring crescendos of entwined vocal authority and punctuating percussive rhythms, forgiving only to let the delicate-to-aggressive guitar competence protrude.


With LLD off stage and the Sheffield contingent manning the music station every face I saw and every word I heard was congratulating and grateful of this wonderful event.


Well a few words from our deepest heartbags...

WE LOVE YOU, THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SOO SOOOOO SO MUCH FOR BEING APART OF THE OPENING EXCURSION EVERTHING ON TOAST PARTOOK, IT WOULD OF BEEN AWFUL AND DOWNRIGHT EMBARRASSING HAD YOU NOT BEEN THERE. FOR IT WAS FOR YOU!

SPECIAL THANKS TO GLOVER, TOM, DANIEL, DAVID & BASSY (LLD), TOM & ? (SPEED CIRCUS), CA (MAYOR McCA), MATT & BEN, PAUL, AND JOEL. SHOUT OUTS TO LUCY, ANDY, OWEN, FENDER, NICK & JAMES FOR MAKIN THE EFFORT TO DISCEND FROM LEEDS & SHEFFIELD.


FUCK THE MONARCH!

ON TOAST!
X