London Launch Party CA

Foreword- An Apology

It has come to our attention here at Everything On Toast Records that an unnamed DJ (myself) inadvertently played Razorlight during the launch party. We can only apologise for any long-term psychological effects this may have on any of you. Rest assured, said DJ has received a serious dressing down and has been stripped of “Up All Night”, “Razorlight” and that other album.

Everything On Toast Launch Night, 20/03/09

“Chris, we are calling time at 11 I’m afraid. Have had a nitemare (sic) with the sound complaints, the DJ was playing hip hop, not on agreement, too loud and on top of all that the headline played way too loud on drums and he knows it. Can’t risk my pub license over this many disputes. I discussed it with you time and time again and have no option. You will get your deposit minus drinks and let’s call time at 11. This is not up for discussion tonight as I am now off the bar until the venue shuts.”
Manager, Filthy McNastys, 2009

It’s always nice to have a positive quote for future flyers and I believe we have uncovered a corker here. And this was after things began so quietly;

With 30 minutes before the doors were due to open, a rogue bass pedal decided to have it’s wicked way and blow the power to everything in Filthy MacNasty’s that had any capability to produce sound. On the plus side, this incident caused all ten people in the room with penises to realise they were actually qualified electricians. When there was still no sound fifteen minutes later, your writer was starting to wish he hadn’t just finished his sixth pint of Guinness of the day. Miraculously, just as people started to arrive, the silence that had engulfed the venue disappeared and a glorious sound erupted from the PA (later it would be reported that these sounds were hip hop).

After the scandal that was christened “Razorlightgate” in the News of the World, Mayor McCa scared the living shit out of a few unsuspecting members of his audience who had shunned the school choir for a cigarette behind the bike sheds. His mix of amazing musicianship and audience participation went down a storm and really got the night moving. I’m pretty sure nobody will see an act like him again.

Speed Circus followed with an awesome performance made even better by the fact they had to transform from a seven-piece to a two-piece due to venue rules. They crowd loved it and the Speed Army was in full flow.

Then came the headline, Littlelostdavid, who frankly “played way too loud on drums and he knows it”. I received a warning before they took to the stage and was told that due to the neighbour’s complaints, Littlelsotdavid must stick to using just brushes on the drums. Unfortunately, due to the sheer size of the venue, I “couldn’t find him” and it went ahead as originally planned. They officially blew every man, woman and child away. Number ....32 Amwell Street.... gave a glowing review to Islington County Council.

Glover and Tom then entertained the crowd with every drum lead song they could find in their record box followed by some good old fashioned hip hop. The crowd then retired to the ....Lexington.... to show their smudgy ,inky hand to the bouncer in return for free entry to a night that my alcohol intake has refused to let me remember.

So, ladies and gentlemen, that’s how it all began. We did our utmost to ensure a fucking quality night was had by all and the middle-aged blonde barmaid with the chip on her shoulder did her best to ensure a good night was had by none. I like to think we were the winners in this bout.
Thanks to all and we will see you next time in a venue that welcomes the good old fashioned drum kit. Watch this space! Xx

Footnote: never go behind the bar looking for the manageress in a venue that has “a middle-aged barmaid with a chip on her shoulder” (the tirade I received included more fucks than a Thai brothel)